I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
