Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
