Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
