her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
