so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
