the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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