You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
