you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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