she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
