i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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