What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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