somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
