dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
