He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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