the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
