Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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