well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
