You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Alive.
So much puke
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
