i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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