i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
