Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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