Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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