this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
