1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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