I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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