he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
