you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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