OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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