he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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