Yo dont text me then not text me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
