A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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