I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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