You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
