woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
