Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
two words...techno handjob
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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