At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
