I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
