I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
