Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
