she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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