So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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