On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
