Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think your dad took our porno
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
