3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
