for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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