Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.