wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.