Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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