I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?