I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.