I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
