i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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