Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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