My Higher Power is John Stamos
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
