I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
