Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize