Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
