The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
