Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
