hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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