Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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