i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
