worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
