I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
should my penis look like a turkey
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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