a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
