I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
