I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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