It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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