So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize