Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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