I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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