The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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