i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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