Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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