I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
