i just had sex bonerless
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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