No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
