you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
