Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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