in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
