You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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