I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
