I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
