Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
